Another "First" will be Lost

As parents of preemies we view everything in the world in a very different light. We take every little thing and magnify it because our babies have so many challenges that healthy full term babies don't. We cherish the many firsts that other mothers of challenged-free kids would never think of. Like the first time after 24 hours when I was allowed to hold Evan, and a week and a half when I was allowed to hold Cameron for the very first time. The first time that I heard their little tiny cries after they were taken of intubation. The first time I saw their faces without tubes. The first time Evan's left eye finally unfused two weeks after birth. The first time they could wear clothes. The first time I could change a diaper, take them out of the isolette, feed the baby by bottle, try to breastfeed, give them a bath in a tiny bucket, measure how much they ate in ounces instead of milliliters. Opening their hand, and then the first time when they opened their hand intentionally to grab the rattle offered. We even had a tiny party for their actual first birthday celebration to celebrate their Estimated Due Date birthday where they were now 0 years old instead of a negative number.

The boys will have GJ tubes in their bellies by the end of this week. Because of this they can not eat anything by mouth (or so I have been told) because the tube is an obstruction and they would not be able to pass anything from their stomach into their intestines like normal as it may cause a serious blockage.

How are they supposed to enjoy their first birthday cake? It didn't even occur to me until I was oohing and aahing over another preemie Mom's adorable 1st Birthday pics. I feel like for us it will be yet another typical "first" moment that will be lost.

I will ask tomorrow about whether or not I can let them at least lick some icing off their fingers, but I am pretty sure the answer will be no.

I'm so upset.