Sunday, February 08, 2009

Another "First" will be Lost

As parents of preemies we view everything in the world in a very different light. We take every little thing and magnify it because our babies have so many challenges that healthy full term babies don't. We cherish the many firsts that other mothers of challenged-free kids would never think of. Like the first time after 24 hours when I was allowed to hold Evan, and a week and a half when I was allowed to hold Cameron for the very first time. The first time that I heard their little tiny cries after they were taken of intubation. The first time I saw their faces without tubes. The first time Evan's left eye finally unfused two weeks after birth. The first time they could wear clothes. The first time I could change a diaper, take them out of the isolette, feed the baby by bottle, try to breastfeed, give them a bath in a tiny bucket, measure how much they ate in ounces instead of milliliters. Opening their hand, and then the first time when they opened their hand intentionally to grab the rattle offered. We even had a tiny party for their actual first birthday celebration to celebrate their Estimated Due Date birthday where they were now 0 years old instead of a negative number.

The boys will have GJ tubes in their bellies by the end of this week. Because of this they can not eat anything by mouth (or so I have been told) because the tube is an obstruction and they would not be able to pass anything from their stomach into their intestines like normal as it may cause a serious blockage.

How are they supposed to enjoy their first birthday cake? It didn't even occur to me until I was oohing and aahing over another preemie Mom's adorable 1st Birthday pics. I feel like for us it will be yet another typical "first" moment that will be lost.

I will ask tomorrow about whether or not I can let them at least lick some icing off their fingers, but I am pretty sure the answer will be no.

I'm so upset.


ivory and jamie said...

I'm so sorry Laura :(

Kim said...

I hate that for you ;o(.

Can they have popsicles? Or lollipops? I don't know all of the rules, I just want you to be able to have a way to enjoy it, too.

n. said...

i am sorry about this. i know its so hard to follow the preemie course sometimes. try to remember that when they do get to have the cake after the tubes, that it will still be the first time they have it. i bet they wouldnt even fight you too much if you celebrated their birthday twice with cake for them on the second celebration. or maybe you can have a post gj tube celebration with cake. hang tough friend.

Blue Moon Mama said...

So sorry, Laura. It must be heart-breaking to lose these moments.

Take some comfort in the fact that while it is a sad loss for you, it bothers them not a bit. There will be many years to indulge them with cake! :-)

Stefanie said...

why can't they just get a normal g-tube? They don't puke up everything they eat! They weren't doing that before the hospital. If they get a regular g-tube then you can supplement and they can still eat. Can you get a second or third opinion? They are NOT THAT SMALL. I'm really bummed for you.

Martha Compton said...

I'm devastated that C's pictures caused you such pain. I never imagined that our celebration would have that effect. I'm crying for you and your boys right now and hope you can find some answer to this situation. I'm so sorry. ((hugs))

Jennifer said...

I am so sorry, Laura. At least there will be a first cake someday and then you can spoil them with baked goods every day after that. You will be cake baking fool.

Sara said...

I am so so sorry Laura. I so wish it was different for them.

Shannon said...

You poor thing! You and Drew must be so stressed out right now. I hope everything goes smoothly from here on out.